Let's Go to the Fair Everybody

It’s summer time and you know what that means people of small suburban areas…LOCAL FAIRS!!!! We know the excitement is building within you at just the mention of the phrase, so let us list for you the reasons we love the fair.


1. Getting hit on by carnies- Really who wouldn’t want their future spouse/ love interest to have a body odor, missing teeth, and STDs? A bonus, travel the country for free!!!

2. Greasy fair food- As if our asses didn’t resemble curdled cheese enough, let’s eat 3 times the recommended daily calories and then have a bad case of diarrhea later! Don’t forget the deep fried Oreos!

3. Farm animals- Don’t you love ruining your shoes by stepping in cow shit, or having a passing animal leave a big slobber trail on your shirt. And for those of you who participate in the animal shows, isn’t it fun slapping a pig’s ass in front of all of your friends and family? We sure think so!

4. Carnival rides and games- Personally, we love sitting in big puddles of ass sweat and being enclosed in small cages of B.O. , but who doesn’t? And for the weak of heart, try your hand at the various games. You can shell out $20 to win a goldfish; he’ll be your best friend forever… or at least for the next 6 hours.

5. Entertainment- No name country singers, how lucky are we! And for the locals there is always booze injected round of corn hole to play.

6. Tractor pulls and truck pulls- Watching local farm boys show off their daddy’s diesel truck and embarrass themselves in the process all while lounging in the comfort of a truck bed with cheap beer to drink. Where do we sign up?

7. The people- Live in the city? Never fear! Fair time is the time for even the most chic city dwellers to pretend they are rednecks and bring out the cowboy boots. And let’s not forget the John Deere apparel! Put in a chew, wear your most dingy costume and you will blend right in.

Fancy Fanny

Belt pack, belly bag, buffalo pouch, hip sack, bum bag, the fanny pack. While in recent years may be considered unfashionable, nerdy even, should undoubtedly make a comeback into the lives of satchel carrying citizens. Unaffected by the feminine connotations that purses, clutches and totes have, fanny packs are acceptable accessories even for the most macho of men. Fanny packs do not discriminate. Double arm amputees and quadriplegics alike can now relax knowing that their chap stick and family photos can be safely carried with them where ever they go because fanny packs do not require the use of arms. Even the fashion conscious can show their fanny pack pride. Marc Jacobs, Gucci, Prada, and Coach all have created their own spin on the “bum bag”. Even pop music sensation Rihanna has been seen sporting one of these sensible pouches. Are you a hunter? Why the fanny pack is the perfect solution for you! Not only will you be able to carry your bullets in comfort, but bring along your favorite weapon with the new concealed weapon option. Now little Mittens and Fluffy can enjoy the fun of a fanny pack with a pet carrier style that allows you to carry your furry companion around your midsection. Arguably, fanny packs get shit that they don’t necessarily deserve. What did fanny packs ever do to man kind other than securely keep our precious goods snuggly around our waist? Hey, who’s to say that you have to wear them around your abdomen? They can surely be slung over ones shoulder like the more main stream purses. And are they really any more embarrassing then the tiny book bags of the early 2000s or the granny like paisley patterned bags of the late 2000s that teens loved to carry? As said best by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “to be great is to be misunderstood.” Tourist apparel no more, bring sexy back, wear your fanny pack!

Bacon...it's what's for dinner.

Bacon…its name alone brings a sense of mouth-watering deliciousness that is sure to make even the thinnest person grab for another piece. But what about it is so appealing? What is America’s obsession with this fatty piece of meat often used as a garnish? The word itself, bacon, is derived from the old German word for buttocks. And though it does not come from a pig’s derriere, it is an over salted and arguably one of the most fattening cuts of meat.
So what is with American’s and “Bacon Mania” that has hit this nation? Everywhere you turn there is bacon. Bacon of the Month club. Bacon band-aids. Bacon and eggs. Chocolate covered Bacon. Bacon bits. Bacon salt? And lets not forget the coveted Baconator. “The rusty bacon strip” which I have learned from baconbabble.com is even slang for an old woman’s vagina. Millions of websites devoted to bacon. Bacon and beer tastings. For crying out loud it’s a $2.1 billion industry. It’s everywhere. Sandwiches, pizza, salads, potatoes, burgers. Bacon, bacon, bacon. But the fact of the matter being, despite being 42 calories apiece, bacon is delicious. Its simple yet compliments almost anything. Eggs seem better, hamburgers seem even more mouth watering, and bacon was simply meant to live happily between two slices of bread, lettuce, and tomato. So whether you call it rasher, flitch, collop, or slab, bacon is good.

Madonna is...

So we all know about Madonna…no not the virgin mother capable of both immaculate conception and gracing churches world wide. No the Madonna we are speaking of is a bit more…sexual? Midwestern? Cradle robber? Material? Veronica? YES!!! That is it! Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone is much more Veronica than the holy virgin. While it may be true that they both have Jesus in their life, one being son of god who was carpenter by trade savior by death and the other being a sensual twenty something latino, and they are both “Like a Virgin”, pop music sensation will always have the Veronica factor that the other Madonna will not. So next time you only got 4 minutes to save the world, call on Veronica.