1. Getting hit on by carnies- Really who wouldn’t want their future spouse/ love interest to have a body odor, missing teeth, and STDs? A bonus, travel the country for free!!!
2. Greasy fair food- As if our asses didn’t resemble curdled cheese enough, let’s eat 3 times the recommended daily calories and then have a bad case of diarrhea later! Don’t forget the deep fried Oreos!
3. Farm animals- Don’t you love ruining your shoes by stepping in cow shit, or having a passing animal leave a big slobber trail on your shirt. And for those of you who participate in the animal shows, isn’t it fun slapping a pig’s ass in front of all of your friends and family? We sure think so!
4. Carnival rides and games- Personally, we love sitting in big puddles of ass sweat and being enclosed in small cages of B.O. , but who doesn’t? And for the weak of heart, try your hand at the various games. You can shell out $20 to win a goldfish; he’ll be your best friend forever… or at least for the next 6 hours.
5. Entertainment- No name country singers, how lucky are we! And for the locals there is always booze injected round of corn hole to play.
6. Tractor pulls and truck pulls- Watching local farm boys show off their daddy’s diesel truck and embarrass themselves in the process all while lounging in the comfort of a truck bed with cheap beer to drink. Where do we sign up?
7. The people- Live in the city? Never fear! Fair time is the time for even the most chic city dwellers to pretend they are rednecks and bring out the cowboy boots. And let’s not forget the John Deere apparel! Put in a chew, wear your most dingy costume and you will blend right in.
I find this deeply offensive.
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